Sins

monkeysclocksIt doesn’t make me any more real with my deal.
I just pick up the airwaves you do not see.
Then I don’t think there is anyway other way to be.

I doesn’t make any sense either, this fever.
That ripples through my mind like disease.
It certainly does not make it easier to see.

It doesn’t make me a special case, in a special place.
The time and space is the same for me as you.
I just loose that sense of reality that glues.

It doesn’t make need to bow for the sake of graces.
I can stand on these two broken legs like anyone.
After all fighting demons just like everyone.

It doesn’t mean I don’t want to to give it up.
Cut my loses and embrace the long dark sleep.
Fear my family cry in darkness and weeps.

It doesn’t mean I will let this dam thing win.
I still have one good arm and a head full of sin.
Just talk to me later when the alarm is out of din.

D 2013

(I couldn’t come up with anything new for the new year but this old poem is kinda where my head is at right now. Hopefully 2017 will be kinder.)

Forgiveness

I’m forgiving her, though once I believed in her.

All the trials of life have battered us, carving crevices and leaving dust.

Though passion dimmed in the dark corners soul, I never wanted a struggle of goals.

I’m forgiving her, just because she still smiles. The light still burns after all these miles.

I’m forgiving her because I can, my last act of a compassion as man.

I’m forgiving her, because she is and nothing can take away from this.

D Dec 2016

Serpents Sky

purple-dragon-v3A dragon flies across my sky,
As I keel over on rock to die.
A dragon feast on all my fallen,
As I scream to madness calling.
A dragon roars out across the land,
As my lady, holds out her hand.
A dragon lives forever more,
A beast I wish I never saw.

The serpent reads from all the books,
With many mutterings of how it looked.

My lady weeps with a bursting heart,
As her battered love will soon depart.

I lie here now on the funeral pyre,
Set to flame by my only sire.

I’ll tell my god, impart my rage.
Tell I about this unfair war that we wage.
Demons and serpents do all they can.
To kill the spirit of the humble man.

D 2003

(Old poem about the rage of the soul that has lost the plot.)

Mustn’t Grumble

So I’ve managed to get a couple of nights good rest and there are plans set in place to get my motivation going again in the new year.

So things are looking better for Xmas and I’m glad that I won’t be a misery on the day.

So to the few followers I have I hope life treats you well this Xmas and you get everything you need to make it enjoyable.

Peace

D

Tired

My mind is tired of the games it plays,

Trapped in a body that has nothing to say.

Sleep bring me peace, even pieces of peace.

Broken up nightmares, no sign of release.

Sleep bring me peace ….

D Dec 2016

(My sleeping patterns are a mess, hoping I can get it sorted by Sunday. For my daughters sake.)

Spies For The Dark

aphyxShe turned to me and said,
were not out of heads,
in this place, the special place,
make love not haste.

I know their secret she said,
they think were out of heads,
its not what you think,
its not in the drink.

I don’t get you I said,
you say I’m not dead.
I feel so morbid so unreal,
how do I know your deal?

You don’t need to get it she said,
it’s as easy as catching bullets of lead.
Its hidden in the geography,
its hidden in the what we don’t see,

Its hidden in sight she plead,
keep this in your head,
its out bright spark,
we are the spies for the dark.

D 2013

(About a girl I met in hospital while under section. I always wonder what happened to her)

Compulsory Happiness

Is this the time of year where you’re supposed to be happy? So far it’s been rather an anxious ride of things that must be done for the great day of the 25th. The only thing that has brought joy to my face is watching my daughter decorate the Xmas tree. I know she’s going to be happy with all her presents too when the day comes.

Still it doesn’t feel right living my happiness through my daughter. When people ask me what I want for Xmas I really have nothing to say. Well actually what I want to say is ‘not to be bipolar and surviving on fistful of medication each night.’ … That’s the truth of it. There is no material gift that will fix the damage in my brain so I put on a brave face and hope my daughter has the best time possible.

Bah humbug maybe but happiness is not compulsory.

Anyway I hope the few reader’s that I have get the peace and enjoyment they want this season.

Peace

D

Separate

man-with-stick-watching-tvContempt of love lead us to this.
Hallowed feelings lacking the bliss.
I no longer hold you in my arms,
and that is no reason for alarm.

I can’t say I saw it coming so soon.
Some things just burn out in doom.
You no longer hold me in my arms,
and that is all we have to keep calm.

We needed each other and then not so,
the lovers burn slowly faded to a glow.
We no longer hold each other anymore,
then we turned and left through separate doors.

D 2013

(Generally its been a good few days but I’ve been having regretful feelings about the past. Still nothing I can do about it now. This old poem, though about love, kinda sums up my mindset at the moment.)