High

fullcard121209-356Converge this point on my delta wing,
spinning thruster and hear me sing.
Twenty thousand feet and I’m a bird,
blinding with a sound full heard.

Circling overland, scanning all frequencies,
so high now and there is so much that I can see.
Twenty thousand feet and I’m touching the sun,
faster than a any bullet from any gun.

Radio chatters on broken wind,
whispering shadows trying to lend.
Now they scream did he crash?
did he crash, did he crash?

One way ticket to the sky.
Light speed, the only way to fly.
We’re the ones who will never die!
Even though our thoughts do try.

Thoughtless air wave chatter hammers still,
… but did he crash … did he crash?

D 2013

(I’m just a bit hyper after seeing my CPN and being told that actually I’m doing OK. This old poem from my archive, with a bit of an edit that sums up my mood. Although I was actually very manic when I originally wrote it, I’ve decided to trim it up and use it as warning sign that though flying can be fun, there is such as thing as to high. And yeah rapid cycling sucks!)

Pickled Onions

The blip on the radar turned into a squadron, I had no idea I would hit the wall headlong.

Sedatives ease these twitching limbs, where did it all start, was it something I’ve seen.

Some great ghost of the past, shredding my mask.

Some omen of the future, with delusional sutures.

Where did I begin and where did I end, did anyone read these messages I send

I sit for now on this pillow of pharmaceuticals, not being whole but maybe just beautiful. I slip inside, my own inner skin, I’ve come unstuck and that’s no way too win. The trophy of sanity, so close but so far. Pickle me now and keep my head in a jar.

D Jan 2017

Silent Running

Don’t presume I didn’t hear, your gun shot voice is crystal clear. I’ll settle in my deep dark waters, disengagement of the deadly fought ya!

The time will come when we all face that wall, you either beg on your knees or your fingers pull … That triggered program that’s set to go, it will mushroom out and set all a glow.

It eight fifty eight, not any set date. She glided through the water, not a moment to late. Fish in the water, spinning the prop, why did you think we showed all that is not.

No plan b, there is nothing to see, just silent running, in open sea.

D Jan 2017

Just Right

Today I’m the ray of sunshine cast on a frosted blade of grass. Not forgetting or forgiveness for my lurid past.

Those long winter days are about to pass, I throw my stones in synchronicitys pool and cast…

… A new beginning, a new story to tell, about how I fell from heaven, then into hell. How I crawled back and the demons I quelled.

Today I am a light shining bright, casting down from the greatest of heights. Not forgetting or forgiveness for the nastiness of my fights.

Just here, just now, feeling just right.

Heart

golden2eNothings right when nothings wrong,
keep me singing on this old song.
See how far I get gone.

When it all comes down to this,
between the stains and well … wish,
for something better than a miss.

Wash my mind clean right out,
going another round, another bout.
Clean the sins within without.

Help me feel anything right,
help me see another day light.
I can call on your might.

In my reality you never part,
far from the reaches of my heart,
Keep me close to your start,
keep me close to your heart.

D 2013

(After a rather nervous appointment at my doctors I came home to my wife who’s wrapped up in the duvet because she has a stinking cold. It made me realize that no matter how bad my mental health gets I’m one of the lucky ones to have someone to come home to, so this poem is for her).

Dr P

I’m sitting in the surgery waiting room waiting to see my GP who has requested to see me! Things keep running through my mind about what she wants to say and I have my own list of ‘symptoms’ to discuss. 

Really what I want to say is ‘do you have a cure for a tired, old broken soul?’

 That’s the best way I can describe how I feel at the moment…

…broken.

Take care all my little bloggettes.

D

Natural Path

Setting one foot in front of the other down this path, lichen grows on my limbs and I cackle a laugh.

The voices said I would never make it this far, well I’m not going to be any great rock star.

I’ll crawl over the mud and moss to reach the end, despite the legions of demons that you send.

From down here I smell the scent of the earth, and you thought it was some kind if curse.

Nature’s soul breath, in my lungs, so much confusion about how it begun.

I’m at peace with path that I’m on, I’m going, going … Gone.

D Jan 2017

And today’s mood is…

Well nervous anxiety with a helping of hyperactivity. Yesterday was depression. Who knows what tomorrow will be like.

I assembled a flat pack set of shelves today, which is an interesting experience when so jittery. Only made one mistake and the wife said its nothing that wood filler wouldn’t hide.

I’m OK really though. And I’ve made it nearly two weeks without a cigarette. Go me.

Take care

D

Forest

In dark woods I lay, ensnared by my own thinking, I stare at the bare branches without even blinking.

I feel the mossy soil beneath my body shifting, taking me further down, I’m drifting.

There is nothing between me and the center of earth, maybe when I get there my soul will give birth…

…to another time, another place. A shard of time where I feel safe.

For now I’m lost in this forest of trees, but my god, you won’t find me bent on my knees.

My emotions may swallow me whole and dig me deep down into this neverending hole.

But I still have my pride and I’m this side of sane, though after tonight, it will never be the same.

D Jan 2017

Starfighter

If I can just keep it all together, maybe we can cruise these stars forever.

Sorry you’re lucked out on your pilot, so many mechanisms that I forgot.

If you can be my navigator tonight, maybe, just maybe we’ll reach new heights.

Or maybe we’ll just crash into a supernova, while I’ll be saying ‘I love you’, over and over

D Jan 2017