Easy Targets

They pick us off like sitting ducks,

Thinking were the spies for the dark.

But we roar, tear and bark.

Kill me once, kill me twice or even thrice, shred my skin and bare my bone.

But even the the hang man closed his eyes on his own. Then we all wonder if were ever wake again. Roll the dice, tricks up and try and pretend your sane.

You know what to expect, but maybe that easy target wanted to be hit. A brazen shout, to state is that the best you’ve got?

Is it, is this it … Who gets the victory lap?

D May 2018

The Split Mind

So in my head are two worlds, the everyday consensus that avoids the swirls of the madness of the other universe.

I don’t remember when it happened, this split, between what you say is real and what you say is perverse.

Maybe it was always this way, just no one noticed it until I started pointing the insanity in your world, the bombs, the guns, the stimulated torture as entertainment from Hollywood.

I know I go to dark places in my head but you cannot say that everything in your world is shiny and good.

So I live the schism, a dual belief system and only one of which is for my benefit. I think in all though the fuse has been lit… And there’s no going back.

D May 2018

I know you.

I know you, I saw you stretch your young copper tapped fingers across the globe. You loved all of us in a unity of love and with a will that would not be bowed.

Then you shifted, you separated us and set us like dogs against each other. Promising all the way that out there was a better life, better you and better lover.

Now you relagate me to some dark corner, I know there is only one way out and that’s the big off. But I stay for a while to see how tense you pull the wires. For I know you are just the sire, for darkness of a far greater fire.

I know you, has your artificial codex of Turin worked me out yet? Category assignment possibly, but always that percentage of wrong targets, I’ll be the error you’ll almost forget.

D May 2018

Spinning

So I stop for a second and grab my hand on the rails of reality to find nothing changed. People still hurt, hurt each other, practiced death on the firing range.

Now I miss the spiralling insanity, where for just moment it all made sense. Instead of this overwhelming international indifference.

They remix this then they remix that and fire it at you as a matter of fact. Though the truth is not on a screen, in a book or some smooth spoken tact.

The truth dies to be buried so we are not blinded by its harshness. The natural order is a cruel mistress, and I see no way past this.

So I grab reality again then spin it as hard as I can, reach orbital velocity so I don’t have to deal with the truth that is man.

D May 2018

Last Ones Standing (Music)

As my creative flow seems to have stopped I’ve been listening to a lot of music, this one especially. I’m not sure what I’m standing against or burning, maybe its just the killer bass line in this that I like … maybe I’m just sick of it all, you know that world out there that knows better than everyone.

Peace D

Olazapine (The creativity killer)

Apart from the permanent hunger and morning sleepyness the worst thing about Olazapine is it almost completely kills my desire to be creative, active or be capable of much but watch TV and play games on my tablet. Even find reading harder than normal (and I’ve always found prose difficult to read)

So I may post some old work up here but for now I’m dry. Hopefully this drug is just a temporary measure to combat the paranoia. Though the reason I think it works with paranoid feelings is because you can no longer be arsed or give a shit what people think or may do to you.

Anyway Lazy Peace D xxx

Sleep Enhanced State

So just got back from the sleep clinic at the hospital. I have extras to add to my sleep apnea machine as I keep tearing it off in the night going sleep walking (normally in the search for a drink and food, that’s the olazapine effect).

Now I have a humidity unit attached to back of my unit which will hopefully stop my mouth drying out. Also a different face mask that let’s me breathe through my mouth and nose at the same time (instead of one or the other like the other mask).

It all seems very generous from the NHS but just the 1 or 2 hours I’ve getting off the machine have been really helpful. But hey not drowning in your sleep is a good thing right? And could lead me back to a normal productive life where I can be slightly more useful.

So I’ll see how it goes tonight. It would be a dream to spend one whole night in bed without waking say less the three times.

(off course my paranoid bipolar mind is telling me this is a secret space test mission for her royal highnesses secret space program, but hey I’m nuts so I can say that kinda of crazy shit!)

Peace D