Time to Ride….

So all things must come to pass. As I approach a stable period of my bipolar I’ve decided to set up another blog and discuss there the things that bipolar doesn’t define about me. I may mention it in passing but I have a huge amount to say about other things other than bipolar.

No doubt, I’ll have my ups and downs so I’ll occasionally put my Poetry here but even that I’m taking mostly back into the personal realm as I’m preparing a poetry submission for Faber & Faber and some other publishers.

The new blog is simply for my thoughts on the world from my closet corner of England.

So those still with me here’s the link;

Last Human Standing

Peace

D

Digital Highway to Hell

We all leave a trace of ourselves out there wherever we go.

Sometimes it’s only fair that we reap what we sow.

They call for the singularity and I say “hell no” .

We cross that line there is no retreat, no safe zone.

No little place in the corner of the server to call our own.

When ‘he’ shows up I’ll have my pitch fork and 300 baud modem ready.

Until then just got to keep it calm and steady; as I’ve seen where this digital highways ends… Not a place for ‘likes’ with ‘friends’.

Every key press recorded, every moment ordered, categorized, analysed, summarised.

Are you a human unit worth keeping? Or we will wash up on a beach, smartphone phone in hand, far far away from your homeland.

D September 2018

Gone Fishing?

So much for me staying focused, writing daily on one of my unfinished novels then lead to wanting to have a character from a different culture in it, which then lead to me brushing up on my French. I used to travel a lot in France as a teenager and was semi fluent and even after all these years of thinking I’d forgotten it all, the audio book I’m learning has brought back great memories from before my ‘diagnosed conditions’, drinking wine on beaches, scuba diving, cycling a strange half skateboard half bicycle contraption around the village, getting my name all over the arcade machine out side the local store, listening to Jean Michael Jarre’s Rendezvous as we drove into the mountains, getting a bee stuck in the car and the accelerator pedal getting trapped down in the car while my mum panicked doing 129mph down outside lane until she managed to get keys out of the ignition. Staying in haunted hotels and not getting a wink of sleep. Also many other snippets and feelings of memories. I so want to go back now but with this Brexit mess I don’t know how practical it is, nor do I think that the France of the 80s is anything like the one of today.

Au Revoir

Paix

D

Sometimes Being Home Is The Best Wander.

I got what I thought was an odd Christmas present from my mum in middle of my winter crisis, the thermal flask above. At the time the last thing I wanted to do was explore but now I kinda get the message, I don’t think it’s was meant in a literally go forth and wander sense. More like, your bipolar,it sucks, explore ways to cope with it and keep yourself out of hospital. I carry it everywhere now and the the most wonderful thing about this flask is my daughter thinks water from it is the best ever (even though it’s just from the tap). You know I think she’s right. Thanks mum.

Peace D

Home

Won’t you take me home, sick of being alone.

I don’t live in this dry wall block, I’m not just average stock.

… But then I’m nothing special and I deserve more than this, with my head resting on your fist.

My home has clouds and mountains, not badly maintained monument fountains.

Sick people coughing their lungs on the clock tower steps, pigeons, dust and litter unswept.

Take me home, maybe I should be alone.

Bracing the wind on the cliffs, my life in my hands and not yours.

D September 2018

Personal Rune Reading

I haven’t done a personal Rune reading for a very long time, but a brief interpretation is as long as I don’t let the darkness engulf me I stand to inherit something. The fact that darkness is in the negative position and Sol is in the positive is rather unique. But yes currently stuck on the thorn, sounds about right, hopefully there’s a rose somewhere (opportunity).

Peace D

Accept

I need proof of my existence like I need a bullet to the head.

For all I know this is all a dream and the whole world is already dead.

I’ll float in this spiral of empty essence, spinning in infinity,

There’s no book in the world to prove my heritage and divinity.

How the hell are you ever going to understand my insanity?

When you don’t even accept yours….

D September 2018

Busy but happy

I’m dog tired but am enjoying life again, I hope it lasts. This winter was not a good place for my mind but as we slip into autumn I will try and keep my sunny side up.

Peace D

Dave (and Other Girls); Work continues.

So as I focus myself on my writing I’ve reread the first 5 chapters I have of ‘Dave’, it’s characters, scenes and plots and feel the slow creep of inspiration. So many ways this could go.

I posted the first chapter on my blog months ago, link below if ur interested. The chapter I’m currently dealing with deals with an attempted suicide by one of the crew, a dark place I know about but never crossed. I think it’s good to get these ideas out of me, for me it’s not profiteering from misery but a cleansing process that normalises a deep dark set of emotional trauma for me. Will I include that chapter in the finished article… Well let’s see if I finish it first.

Peace D

https://bipolarbycola.blog/2018/04/30/dave-and-other-girls/