Typhoon

They whisper in my ear, shaking my fragile sanity, siren calling my name, pointing out my egos vanity. I see shadows where there are none, they said these pills would put out the sun.

Maybe it’s my lineage, a family of narcissistic self interested tribe, I had always tried to hide, from them … Their duty, their attacks on my mind.

How fragile the soul, shored up with tinderstick beleif, but as I hold back a tear from the chaos, your image brings relief. A safe harbor from an impending typhoon, your heart, your breath, your lifes calming tune.

D Jun 2017

No I Will Not Fix Your Computer

There are millions of computer configurations running billions of different types of software. Never say your good with computers. Because apparently your supposed to be able to problem solve these machines over the telephone and know exactly what one of these trillion combinations you’re dealing with.

The irony is I’m self taught and not ‘qualified’ enough to work in the industry. That’s fine, you can fix your own computer I can continue my adventures on the dark net with the part of the population who actually know what their doing.

I do have a rule that only family get support now but the 3 hours I just spent on the phone to mum could have been spent doing my chores and having a bath. Now I’m all out of sync to tackle my demon psychiatrist tomorrow. Oh well there’s always clonazpam.

Pop’s lid ….

Peace

D

Ocean

july2011 158Ocean wave carry my body on the universe.
Wishing so hard that I did not carry a curse.
Calm wind blow on my skin, raise hairs.
Feel the tingling and wish away the cares.
Breath soft feather light air into lungs.
Betray the feeling of being ever hung.

By course I should drown,
disappear without a sound.
Still not ready to fall down,
not going down.

Some things are short,
like these moments of peace,
that slip in-between the gaps,
of a life that is do distort.

Ocean carry me across the stars,
away from the pain so very very far….

D 2014

Off Grid

img_1204Go off grid now, go offline now,
power down the intense mind flow.
Be gone thought beast of fat sow,
go off grid now, go be gone now.
Shut it down now, bring the in the slow,
power down the intense mind flow.

One million screaming insects haunt my mind,
scratching in thoughts of black and divine.
So many thread, strands and strange finds,
returning to normality like swimming in slime.

Go off grid now, go offline now,
power down this intense mind flow.
Stop the constant go go go!
Go off grid now, thought be gone now.
Shut it up now and bring in the slow,
power down the intense mind flow.

Head butt the wall bring the pain to the skull,
kick in the door and begin the cull.
Shut it down now, shut it down now,
I don’t want to think anyhow.

Bring sleep, bring peace,
bring me anything but this mind race.
Give myself to the grace of all,
please please let me fall.

D 2014

Submarine

Captain shouts to take us deeper, the vessel creaks and groans. Rivets strain, Valkyries moan. Deep, but not alone.

Sharp breath’s in confined quarters, sweating brows in deadly waters. System hum and sonar falters.

Scraping metal on sea floor bed, we’ve come to rest, out of our heads. Water begins to seap so we take to our beds. Nothing left to say, nothing to be un-said.

D Feb 2017

Pickled Onions

The blip on the radar turned into a squadron, I had no idea I would hit the wall headlong.

Sedatives ease these twitching limbs, where did it all start, was it something I’ve seen.

Some great ghost of the past, shredding my mask.

Some omen of the future, with delusional sutures.

Where did I begin and where did I end, did anyone read these messages I send

I sit for now on this pillow of pharmaceuticals, not being whole but maybe just beautiful. I slip inside, my own inner skin, I’ve come unstuck and that’s no way too win. The trophy of sanity, so close but so far. Pickle me now and keep my head in a jar.

D Jan 2017

And today’s mood is…

Well nervous anxiety with a helping of hyperactivity. Yesterday was depression. Who knows what tomorrow will be like.

I assembled a flat pack set of shelves today, which is an interesting experience when so jittery. Only made one mistake and the wife said its nothing that wood filler wouldn’t hide.

I’m OK really though. And I’ve made it nearly two weeks without a cigarette. Go me.

Take care

D

Compulsory Happiness

Is this the time of year where you’re supposed to be happy? So far it’s been rather an anxious ride of things that must be done for the great day of the 25th. The only thing that has brought joy to my face is watching my daughter decorate the Xmas tree. I know she’s going to be happy with all her presents too when the day comes.

Still it doesn’t feel right living my happiness through my daughter. When people ask me what I want for Xmas I really have nothing to say. Well actually what I want to say is ‘not to be bipolar and surviving on fistful of medication each night.’ … That’s the truth of it. There is no material gift that will fix the damage in my brain so I put on a brave face and hope my daughter has the best time possible.

Bah humbug maybe but happiness is not compulsory.

Anyway I hope the few reader’s that I have get the peace and enjoyment they want this season.

Peace

D