Half of what I’ve seen

My head’s in a vice, no way to break this artifice, punishing headache, to make or break it this time.

Maybe the drugs, maybe the illness, weeks of living without fullfilness. Needles tear at my arm as they extract the reason of harm.

I look at the world through half closed eyes, so tired, so mired, so sick of feeling this way. I used to half a lot to say … Now silence. Hiding the violence that rages inside.

Peace is a transient thing, like love on a new wing. I hold back all the tears for everything I could have been, but honestly, you would not believe half of what I’ve seen.

D July 2017

Typhoon

They whisper in my ear, shaking my fragile sanity, siren calling my name, pointing out my egos vanity. I see shadows where there are none, they said these pills would put out the sun.

Maybe it’s my lineage, a family of narcissistic self interested tribe, I had always tried to hide, from them … Their duty, their attacks on my mind.

How fragile the soul, shored up with tinderstick beleif, but as I hold back a tear from the chaos, your image brings relief. A safe harbor from an impending typhoon, your heart, your breath, your lifes calming tune.

D Jun 2017

Twin Flame

No, your not her, you have a shard of her soul, a reflection. Your manoeuvres have all been deflections.

She would not say the things you say, that illness is selfish, and I must be better in my ways.

I got dazzled by your lights, a stunned rabbit, to timid to get into fights.

No, your not her, not my twin flame, your soul is an empty expanse with no bridge between mine. And though you trap me with your words, I feel fine. I have trust in the universe, the intervention of the divine.

So busy yourself with the detail of every nonsensical moment, and let me be broken in the corner and bent. It’s not your place to ‘fix’ me … I’m staring at the sky so hard I can see her reflected in the breeze.

D May 2017

I am Fallen

Why strive so hard to make light win, do you think your love of good would lessen your sins.

If the sun shone all night how would you know day, and every comment you tell undermines your say.

I do not wallow in the dark and suffering of others, but I appreciate that with light you have dark, like sisters have brothers.

It’s a game of life you fool yourself with, that if white wins there are no losers, but when you blind me with your martyrdom it’s me on my knees, with bruises.

I am dark and I shine like a negative sun casting white shadows, for how can you have, when cannot accept what you cannot have.

Love me for what I am, instead you try to fashion me an angel … Though I am fallen.

D May 2017

Canyon

These canyon walls bare silence to my anger, my rushing mind hushed to stillness.

Nature does not care for anguish, it tries it’s best to bring in life’s fullfilness.

But I stand like a broken pendulum, with no time left to count.

Me, this wall of stone, I begin to mount.

Maybe at the summit I’ll find my sanity kept safe, in nature’s lock.

D May 2017

Tree Sitting

When I was just a teen the demons tore at my head, face, eyes, soul. Total destruction was there goal.

Now the years have past they encircle me, afraid to touch, I have concubines of my own who would put them to the torch.

I tamed the dragons, made pets of there threats. I’m surrounded by white light and there’s no higher I could get.

No longer the meek and the strength of my youth they stole now returns. I sit in this tree and send the demons love, nothing left that deserves my burns.

D April 2017