Cussing Concussion

So I’ve been absent sometime. So reasons. Actually not mental health based. Recently my cpn declared my bi-polar as ‘in remission’ and I’m about to be discharged from the mental health services and back to the GP. Which is a major win. Taking a long effort of the right meds, environment, meditation, counselling and pure bloody mindedness to get well.

No, what I actually did to take me out of action is cutting down a small tree with a bow saw only to stand straight up into, at full force, the last remaining tree limb, that was half cut with a sharp tounge that dug in the the top of my head! After the blood was cleared away the wound was not to bad but I was heavily concussed. That then went into post concussion syndrome. Something your more prone to get if you have a history of poor mental health, yay!

I spent 2 weeks in bed, the world spinning on its axis, unable to tolerate sunlight, noise, movement. Could only walk with the aid of my hiking stick’s. With the headache from hell. Very very slowly I’ve recovered, I only started driving again two weeks ago, walking without a stick last week, listening to music without getting a pounding headache Monday, and just yesterday using the big computer to continue my Java and android studies. I did manage to care for my daughter during half term despite this and not got totally back on the downside because I had/couldn’t find anyway to keep myself occupied while sitting in a dark, quiet room for weeks.

So that’s my end of summer. I hope you beautiful people on WordPress have had a better time of it. I have read the odd post but it’s been hard to engage. Hopefully this will be a turning point and I can put some effort back in.

Anyway PCS sucks, and there is in fact a big difference between a clinical depression and an injury that’s just making down right miserable.

Take care all,

D x

Well That Went Well …

meadowMy new CPN came to visit me today and after a half hour chat I’m feeling a lot more positive. I’ve been given that rare opportunity to see a real live Psychiatrist for a  medications review that’s like three years overdue. Also I’m allowed to gobble the Tammy’s for a few nights to knock me out and hopefully get some decent sleep and lord I need it. I keep having cat naps during the day to get by which is kinda is difficult when you’re responsible for a 3 year old (Thankfully the overworked wife steps in at these moments).

Still it was surreal sitting at the kitchen table with a stranger discussing the various ways I had thought of removing myself from the planet like I was discussing different flavors of crisps. This is where my four years working in a hospital mix dangerously with this downward thinking. I know the best ways, if you catch my drift.

It did help me take stock that these are just thoughts and there is big leap between thought and action … still my wife has the car keys, just in case.

The UK NHS psychiatric system is overworked and at breaking point but I’m so glad that they are there. Seriously I don’t know what would have happened Monday if it wasn’t for them.

So yes it went well, it’s still moody and dark in my head but there are people around me helping me through it and I’m lucky for that. There are a lot who have not been so lucky, I know this as that is the work load I used to have to deal with when I worked at the NHS hospital.