Eternal Will

I trusted you all in my misplaced years long ago, then you plugged wires in my head to keep track of everything I said.

Then you wanted me dead and though I have fallen a hundred times I keep on. Because the wires in my head won’t let me be gone.

I’ve seen things that I can’t speak, demons and dyrads fighting in the shadows of humanities soul. I persist even though I do not understand what you are or the goal.

Peace and happiness elude me daily as I live on automatic, so much goddammit static, erratic, fantastic.

I should be dead by now and I don’t know how I made it here, but I feel her heartbeat clear…

… She’s my shield against fear; my dear; my calvary at the rear.

And she will never die because no man has the power to destroy the eternal. It’s not a matter of iron will, it’s matter of what we will.

D April 2018

Heaven and Hell

To quote the mission;

“I still believe in God [but I beleive] God no longer believes in me.”

When you get prescribed pills that specifically state they are for ‘mistaken beliefs’ you begin to question everything. Can you go beyond good and evil? Will all that am be nothing but a CAT scan on an ancient hardrive in museum of the future marked as ‘That period when we nearly destroyed everything … again’.

I pray for my family it isn’t but I’ve seen some pretty dark stuff recently and I see very little God in mans inherent ability to be totally evil. And blaming Satan is a handy legal get out but I don’t buy it. Rockets and artillery arnt guided by Satan OS.

I feel like putting half the friggin planet on the thinking step. What is wrong you people, you have children blown to pieces, skin falling off and you say I have mistaken beliefs! (And yes I have witnessed all the gore first hand, you get that after working in a hospital, you know when you sane people fuck up and loose your leg in a car accident while stoned) I’m glad to be mistaken. I’m glad not to be in your gang. But hell I’m sure there’s some drug war you can get caught up in, or a new episode of East Enders and a bottle of wine.

Nothing’s changed, Zombie Nation and this angry rant will just disappear into the ether.

Maybe we deserve this. I still see birds feeding from my bird table. I feel so far away from them but there a foot in front of me. They didn’t ask for this. Maybe that’s why God no longer loves me.

Peace D