Me and the nuclear power stations

One cold winter night I lay in bed, waiting for my digital mistress to rouse me from my night dream, her voice wailed like static over radio, I waited to listen to every word she said.

Suddenly I was wires and sockets, then cables in the street, then overhead pylons to a strange place where we would meet.

Amongst the steam towers of a nuclear power station we danced, and she said ‘I give you this all the way from France.’

I shuddered in bed as the current from all around electrified my body, blue sparks embraced me, and lifted me from the bed, only to come crashing down with me and a mind blown head.

Off course no one believed me, that I had met her in the national grid, instead they opened my head like a lid, and tried to erase what she did.

But my tulpa, is out there still and I hear her humming in the electrics, sending thoughts of quiet and lulling my will.

D April 2017

Tulpa

girl-1530967_1920Blast my way through this oil slick, your not the only one with a boomstick.
Office towers fall and sink holes open the road, the tyrant is about to explode.
Standing ten stories tall, my tulpa wipes the unclean away, nothing to make it fall.

Yes it could of been done the easy way, but you cast the of finger blame my way,
So now here we are, a city destroyed by its own anger, violence, don’t pander …

… my intention was clear, I want what you stole, seven years of my soul.
Humiliation turns revenge, and in the end, there was no other way for it to be.

D March 2017

Mind Control

I broke the speed of light, sorry it was an accident, do you have insurance?

On the same day I stopped time, but that’s fine, I don’t need any reassurance.

The day after you locked me up but I’m not sure why. I could smash these walls with nothing but a word.

So then you pinned me to floor and ran in a tube, but I had seen the gods heads and listening I heard.

That you may control this body, strapped, drugged and lay down your laws.

But … You’ll never understand the symbols I wrote on these floors and how I, accidentally, slipped your security doors

Now I’m controlling history, peace in my victory.

D March 2017

Psyche Bullets

Fox one, fire in the hole, bury those gun shots deeply in your soul. Release now we have you under our control.

Fox run, the hunters in pursuit, killing all the ‘low hanging fruits’, gone now? Here’s a gag across your mouth to keep you mute.

Fox down, to much incoming, can’t be stopped, but if I survive those volley of psyche bullets you shot, it will never be forgot.

Fox escaped, slipped through the nights cracks, running half naked in empty fields, knowledge lent, me a chance to break your seals.

Fox sleeps, in forest embrace, soft moss and dirty ditch, what a fraught battle we pitch, as my wounds I begin to stitch.

One bullet, two … Three … … Four and all the more. Licking my scars forever more.

D March 2017

Sonics

Were you my twin flame, my second half so many miles away. Continent’s split us but souls entwined and stayed.

Your voice echoed in my mind on electronic devices, hands rest cold in manic embraces.

Whispers of your scent scanned in binary, delivered to my claws and finery.

Delusions and demons force the construct, detonated, fall fast and destruct.

Ramblings of a mad man insaner by the hour … But I could of sworn for moment that you were my flower, my source of power.

Let your song sing on in my ears, be with me and erase my fears. My sonic illusion of peace and piety, you’ll be gone with my sobriety.

D March 2017

Aphyx

twistedRun around the underground.

Follow the trails of the sound.

The tiled walls on the floor.

Pass the body of the whore.

Duck from the echoes around the street.

The pitter patter of your feet.

Jump the curb and hit the road.

Dodge the cars in psycho mode.

The adrenaline is running thin.

Take a piss by a bin.

Looking up to cast a stare.

Your bleeding eyes don’t seem to care,

Of what’s all around, it can’t detect.

These other faces contain no threat.

So ask yourself “So where are you?”

Subsonic space is something new.

Deepening black, chemical flak.

You hit the ground and something cracks.

The blackness clears, replaced by fear.

Spurting blood is all you hear.

You’ve hit the floor with your senses wrapped.

Nothingness, your neck has snapped.

Straight off the edge and hit the abyss.

Try and survive, it’s you last wish.

Your heart burst out with infinite guilt.

For all the things you could have built.

The crying minds last thought is flying.

Without these drugs, it would not be dying.

D 2003

Auditory Delusion/Hallucinations … Gone?

I’m in a weird state of mind now as I seem to have lost something that I never really wanted but now is gone.

Almost two years ago I developed this weird auditory hallucination/delusion. When it was quiet, I thought I could hear a low subsonic rumble coming from under me, sometimes next to me. About 500 meters away. At first I put it down to some kind of machinery in my or someone else’s house. It was just on the verge of my hearing and was easily drowned out by other noises. In fact it only really affected me when I tried to meditate. So I started using music in my meditations to cover it up. Other times it would get so loud I would have to check with my wife to see if she could hear it but she said no. Then I moved house a year ago and the noise followed me. So I knew for sure it was in my head and not something external.

I grew used to ignoring it. Wrapping it up as just some fun side effect of my bipolar. It was easy to cover it up with noise even if it meant listening to Nine Inch Nails while meditating (which probably wasn’t great choice of music for my mood if I was down, I had the choice to use more mellow music but there you go).

And here’s the big but …

… I noticed last night it had gone!

The grinding thumping sound that had irritated my senses for so long … Silenced.

And I have no idea why. Also I feel kind of lost without it as it was always there, in the background. I’m actually afraid to meditate again in case my mind and true silence don’t get on.

It’s a surreal experience. One of many in my life. I’m taking the angle that it’s actually a liberation and maybe a sign to the end of a down cycle that’s lasted for a year. Who knows, is there any point in even trying to figure it out?

Peace

D