Arrow

The rain ran down my back as I lay in a ditch watching the helicopter pass, I knew then that I would be fighting these demons till the last.

But my fetch the fox had taught me his tricks, how to avoid the hunters hounds and give them the flick.

I’m here alive twenty years later, you didn’t expect that, you expected me to burn in my youth not grow old and fat.

So I sit between today and tomorrow and for once my heart has hope not sorrow, and I’m stringing my arrow.

D April 2017

Inverted Bipolarity

Who said you could come in here raiding my mind, guns blazing, standing accused, judge blind.

I never asked you in here my dear dragon, but my ramparts you assaulted, be gone.

Hip shooting at fleeting thoughts of madness, message in a bottle, not my SOS.

Here pop that pill, the ones that don’t give you belly aches. Lightning between neurons, overstimulate.

These dead mans eyes might give it away, as I slowly rock in this chair and sway.

Inverted bipolarity, sane on the skin, dragon devouring my transient whims within.

And the sad moral of this story is chronic, this ride I’m on never stops, always on it!

D March 2017

5 min wonder

I only had five minutes to write this, there’s another engagement I might miss.

I feel like my head is on fire, taunt and bound by barbed wire.

But I’m sure I’ll be fine once I leave you, in fact I’m not sure there’s not much more you could do.

I’ll grab my keys, sip coffee, and step outside to see what today offers.

D March 2017

Memories

weirdSo what to do with a shiny new URL, well how about some of my memories before I upload some more poetry.

My oldest memory is being pushed in my buggy through a field with fighter aircraft either side of me, my mum possibly thought it may be an airshow we went to. Coincidentally my oldest nightmare is being in a aircraft hanger with a British Vulcan bomber as the nuclear payload malfunctions and I wake up with a jolt as the fire burns. This leads to some time spent in the Air Training Corps 285 Squadron much later in life, but I did not stay long. I wanted to fly and my eyesight was to poor so I was relegated to engineering. Obvious a big gap between those two memories but for some reason the shadow of the military has always hung over my life. Even in my civilian life as a motorcycle courier I had to sign the OSA (Official Secrets Act) because of some of the sites I had to visit. I have a memory of my Uncles funeral and the priest mentioning his time in the Korean war. Another of my Grandfathers position in the Air-force during WW2, which we weren’t really allowed to talk about until a few years ago. Memories of books on firearms as a teenager on my book shelf. Shadows of the unsaid and ‘Mums the word!’ attitude. All before my mental health went nuclear in 1998. For some reason this past year I have been gluing together the tapestry of my life with the help of my Councillor. Amazingly what was blocked from my minds eye just a few years ago, I now seem to have fallen into a period of total recall. Including what went down during my 5 admissions to Royal Bethlem Hospital under section.

Why do I mention all this, well throw hyper-manic paranoia and memory like this and it can get very messy. What’s real, what’s a ghost and what’s just a maybe?

So I tuck it all away in corner of my mind. Heavy memory compression in a tight corner of mind and what seeps out around the edges I put into my arts. Really I’m kinda OK with it all but sometimes I just want to disappear, disown my life.

Well I’ll stop boring you for now and get on with living.

Peace D

Sonics

Were you my twin flame, my second half so many miles away. Continent’s split us but souls entwined and stayed.

Your voice echoed in my mind on electronic devices, hands rest cold in manic embraces.

Whispers of your scent scanned in binary, delivered to my claws and finery.

Delusions and demons force the construct, detonated, fall fast and destruct.

Ramblings of a mad man insaner by the hour … But I could of sworn for moment that you were my flower, my source of power.

Let your song sing on in my ears, be with me and erase my fears. My sonic illusion of peace and piety, you’ll be gone with my sobriety.

D March 2017

Setting Sun

Maybe it wasn’t supposed to make any sense, how you gassed me in the chamber with the arcrid incense.

How I stole for you what any sane man would leave, pushing my body, no sleep for a week, beyond what could be believed.

When the interrogations began how you flighted away, suddenly the all knowingness had not a lot to say.

I flew the heavens for you touching a void only gods know, and my blood stained that windshield in little winding flows.

Have my scars,  have my body, even take my mind. But know that till the end of days my soul remains mine, and I hate to disappoint you to some facts you cannot bind.

Make me jump, make me fear, whisper death into my ear. But let me be clear … The bullet in your breach is just one, its a mutual stand off, in a setting sun.

D Feb 2017

High

fullcard121209-356Converge this point on my delta wing,
spinning thruster and hear me sing.
Twenty thousand feet and I’m a bird,
blinding with a sound full heard.

Circling overland, scanning all frequencies,
so high now and there is so much that I can see.
Twenty thousand feet and I’m touching the sun,
faster than a any bullet from any gun.

Radio chatters on broken wind,
whispering shadows trying to lend.
Now they scream did he crash?
did he crash, did he crash?

One way ticket to the sky.
Light speed, the only way to fly.
We’re the ones who will never die!
Even though our thoughts do try.

Thoughtless air wave chatter hammers still,
… but did he crash … did he crash?

D 2013

(I’m just a bit hyper after seeing my CPN and being told that actually I’m doing OK. This old poem from my archive, with a bit of an edit that sums up my mood. Although I was actually very manic when I originally wrote it, I’ve decided to trim it up and use it as warning sign that though flying can be fun, there is such as thing as to high. And yeah rapid cycling sucks!)