Half of what I’ve seen

My head’s in a vice, no way to break this artifice, punishing headache, to make or break it this time.

Maybe the drugs, maybe the illness, weeks of living without fullfilness. Needles tear at my arm as they extract the reason of harm.

I look at the world through half closed eyes, so tired, so mired, so sick of feeling this way. I used to half a lot to say … Now silence. Hiding the violence that rages inside.

Peace is a transient thing, like love on a new wing. I hold back all the tears for everything I could have been, but honestly, you would not believe half of what I’ve seen.

D July 2017

Typhoon

They whisper in my ear, shaking my fragile sanity, siren calling my name, pointing out my egos vanity. I see shadows where there are none, they said these pills would put out the sun.

Maybe it’s my lineage, a family of narcissistic self interested tribe, I had always tried to hide, from them … Their duty, their attacks on my mind.

How fragile the soul, shored up with tinderstick beleif, but as I hold back a tear from the chaos, your image brings relief. A safe harbor from an impending typhoon, your heart, your breath, your lifes calming tune.

D Jun 2017

How

StockSnap_A6LNAZ887ZThe systems mucked up,
your out of true luck,
burnt the last trick,
skin only so thick,
shut it down now,
if I only knew how.

Look In the mirror and realize,
there is no other way to summarize,
it’s all there in your eyes.

The data is stuck backwards,
looking for the forwards,
the centrality’s lost control,
forcing your empty soul,
to shut it down now,
if I only knew how.

Look to the darkened sky and freeze,
nothing left for you do but seize,
the last dying moments of disease.

The constructs screwed for good,
came tumbling like I knew it would,
last black box failed,
no new god will be hailed,
shut it down now,
we all know how.

D 2013

(The world just seems crazy out there if you look at the news to much, this old poem just reminded me that maybe sometimes you just have to switch off.)

The last island

I stand an island now, wrecked by your tsunami, it makes the conversation hard, with your quips ready like an army.

You know I used to braver, I used to have two good legs, I had my honour and my armour, and I’m not going to break and beg.

I don’t won’t to stir your anger, bare skin ready for your arrows, so I lay shipwrecked on my own sorrows. Island of myself, but in it I find a grain of wealth.

Time will erode these feelings, and in the end it will put in the past all our shit dealings.

I’m alone but I fear no more, I’m broken but I fear no more, I’m alive and breathing, so I fear no more.

I stand an island and lifes waters caress my shores, and I fear no more.

D Jun 2017

Twin Flame

No, your not her, you have a shard of her soul, a reflection. Your manoeuvres have all been deflections.

She would not say the things you say, that illness is selfish, and I must be better in my ways.

I got dazzled by your lights, a stunned rabbit, to timid to get into fights.

No, your not her, not my twin flame, your soul is an empty expanse with no bridge between mine. And though you trap me with your words, I feel fine. I have trust in the universe, the intervention of the divine.

So busy yourself with the detail of every nonsensical moment, and let me be broken in the corner and bent. It’s not your place to ‘fix’ me … I’m staring at the sky so hard I can see her reflected in the breeze.

D May 2017

Canyon

These canyon walls bare silence to my anger, my rushing mind hushed to stillness.

Nature does not care for anguish, it tries it’s best to bring in life’s fullfilness.

But I stand like a broken pendulum, with no time left to count.

Me, this wall of stone, I begin to mount.

Maybe at the summit I’ll find my sanity kept safe, in nature’s lock.

D May 2017

Chant

I sit, I listen to the chant but I don’t join in. My dragon holds me back from uttering words that may enlighten.

I like my dark corners, my nooks to hide in, it gives me peace, an invisible cloak from the frightening.

Some day the light will come for me and tear me from this body. I won’t go down lightly, not now, not since I saw myself.

Sitting, legs crossed, peaceful in the chant but apart. My love, my hate, my all and my health.

Eyes open, incense tickling my nose, rising like a submarine from the deep … reality.

D April 2017

Arrow

The rain ran down my back as I lay in a ditch watching the helicopter pass, I knew then that I would be fighting these demons till the last.

But my fetch the fox had taught me his tricks, how to avoid the hunters hounds and give them the flick.

I’m here alive twenty years later, you didn’t expect that, you expected me to burn in my youth not grow old and fat.

So I sit between today and tomorrow and for once my heart has hope not sorrow, and I’m stringing my arrow.

D April 2017