This is Drowning

Plague my nights rising to the surface choking, blitzed from a dream to reality holding to focus floating.

Five times a night she screws me over sweat soaking, no valentine from this era my stamina is beyond breaking.

This is not waving, not even paddling, I stopped breathing again this evening. Every night I find new ways of drowning.

D Dec 2017

Will it ever be the same again?

I only remember the nights from my youth, brain blanked daylight as an unfathomable force, sending signals to future me in Morse.

Now the sunlight burns my eyes, igniting the vision of wreckage I left on the sea, then all becomes clear the need to flee.

So time to take to the skies in a stolen Cessna, five hundred foot level ignoring ground control, shoot me now F16 … I’ve lost my soul.

D Nov 2017

    Half of what I’ve seen

    My head’s in a vice, no way to break this artifice, punishing headache, to make or break it this time.

    Maybe the drugs, maybe the illness, weeks of living without fullfilness. Needles tear at my arm as they extract the reason of harm.

    I look at the world through half closed eyes, so tired, so mired, so sick of feeling this way. I used to half a lot to say … Now silence. Hiding the violence that rages inside.

    Peace is a transient thing, like love on a new wing. I hold back all the tears for everything I could have been, but honestly, you would not believe half of what I’ve seen.

    D July 2017


    They whisper in my ear, shaking my fragile sanity, siren calling my name, pointing out my egos vanity. I see shadows where there are none, they said these pills would put out the sun.

    Maybe it’s my lineage, a family of narcissistic self interested tribe, I had always tried to hide, from them … Their duty, their attacks on my mind.

    How fragile the soul, shored up with tinderstick beleif, but as I hold back a tear from the chaos, your image brings relief. A safe harbor from an impending typhoon, your heart, your breath, your lifes calming tune.

    D Jun 2017


    StockSnap_A6LNAZ887ZThe systems mucked up,
    your out of true luck,
    burnt the last trick,
    skin only so thick,
    shut it down now,
    if I only knew how.

    Look In the mirror and realize,
    there is no other way to summarize,
    it’s all there in your eyes.

    The data is stuck backwards,
    looking for the forwards,
    the centrality’s lost control,
    forcing your empty soul,
    to shut it down now,
    if I only knew how.

    Look to the darkened sky and freeze,
    nothing left for you do but seize,
    the last dying moments of disease.

    The constructs screwed for good,
    came tumbling like I knew it would,
    last black box failed,
    no new god will be hailed,
    shut it down now,
    we all know how.

    D 2013

    (The world just seems crazy out there if you look at the news to much, this old poem just reminded me that maybe sometimes you just have to switch off.)

    Desert Rain

    I waited in the desert of your mind, with my banner battered in the sand storms. I never thought you would come back and break this solid form.

    Now the desert grows wild flowers and rains have come to pour, when we finally embraced after so long I could of wished for no more.

    So stay and be next me and feel the tremor of the earth, for now it spins around us and once again we are close.

    D Jun 2017

    The last island

    I stand an island now, wrecked by your tsunami, it makes the conversation hard, with your quips ready like an army.

    You know I used to braver, I used to have two good legs, I had my honour and my armour, and I’m not going to break and beg.

    I don’t won’t to stir your anger, bare skin ready for your arrows, so I lay shipwrecked on my own sorrows. Island of myself, but in it I find a grain of wealth.

    Time will erode these feelings, and in the end it will put in the past all our shit dealings.

    I’m alone but I fear no more, I’m broken but I fear no more, I’m alive and breathing, so I fear no more.

    I stand an island and lifes waters caress my shores, and I fear no more.

    D Jun 2017