Between you and me….

It is not worth remembering, the way you moved the walls, bent the halls, stood so tall… Over me.

I know you can lash out at any time and make me know pain, from insane to sane and back again. Your credentials hold but I do not wain.

I’m heading straight to fortress, the trees make my buttress, you can scorch the land, turn my body to sand…

… But you don’t see my old man watching me from up there, bringing me peace and making it fair.

Keep your faith rooms, while I’ll just keep the faith.

D November 2018

Walk

I have to walk the talk, but when I get there my lips remain shut.

Who am I to shatter the ambivalent nature of my rut.

In densely packed woods I can let out a quiet sigh, just maybe this once I have outrun the spies.

The mud here is perfect for a shallow grave, if they come, but just watching the flailing of my mind is good enough for some.

I put my head against the tree, old oak, older than me. This how I know you don’t need eyes to see.

And in the distance the bark of a dog … I have to walk the talk … Just to lose myself and drive myself out of town with a pitch fork.

D November 2018

Broken Friends

So yeah I didn’t call but you never noticed.

You didn’t come because you were to busy waiting for a new phone, then you decided to get pissed.

True friends don’t mind all this hey?

But planting a gaslight in my head is a’ok?

I don’t want to know about your dungeons, your dark places. There are places blacker than black I’ve been. So let’s just keep all this to ourselves hey, for me it’s not fair to shine light on the demons I’ve seen.

Anyway your probably to busy on your newish phone to ever read this, after all you have 300 friends on Facebook who’s daily prattling you don’t want to miss.

But there will be a gap in the shadow of where you were, as you were the last of the broken friends to care.

D September 2018

Home

Won’t you take me home, sick of being alone.

I don’t live in this dry wall block, I’m not just average stock.

… But then I’m nothing special and I deserve more than this, with my head resting on your fist.

My home has clouds and mountains, not badly maintained monument fountains.

Sick people coughing their lungs on the clock tower steps, pigeons, dust and litter unswept.

Take me home, maybe I should be alone.

Bracing the wind on the cliffs, my life in my hands and not yours.

D September 2018

Accept

I need proof of my existence like I need a bullet to the head.

For all I know this is all a dream and the whole world is already dead.

I’ll float in this spiral of empty essence, spinning in infinity,

There’s no book in the world to prove my heritage and divinity.

How the hell are you ever going to understand my insanity?

When you don’t even accept yours….

D September 2018

Serenity

Serenity in the eyes of a blue angel,

so long we have been singing this ancient fable.

Quick now feel my heart beat for you, in sync, don’t sink…

born to hold you…/upright and launch us to the sky,

high fly, we’ll never die, bullet proof aura of pink.

Green thunder rolls off over blue grass and violet roots,

we’ve turned this world upside down, stand at mountain foots,

leap up the crags to prove I’m here for you,

just exist is all I ask you do.

Look at me again with blue serenity,

love me for all eternity. My dear serenity.

D August 2018

Focus

So it seems I have had several opportunities come up for me recently after a very harsh winter where I felt I had lost everything and the only viable option seemed to be to ride off into the sun set and not return.

Now as my Psyche drugs get balanced right and I look hard into my life I realise I don’t need a councillor, or a saviour, I just need to focus.

Talking with my other half I have discovered I need to trim down my interests and pay attention to what I’m good at. This means writing instead of music and art and Retail instead of Conservation work (which is a flooded job market round my area). I have multiple opportunities to volunteer in retail locally and I’ll be calling the charity Scope back in September when my little one goes back to school.

As for writing I have around 400 poems now, one of which won a prize a few years ago and I just need to collate and find a publisher. I also have 4 novels on the go which need finishing. I just need to apply effort and direction, something I’m very bad at.

Well here’s to a new start and getting on with it … fortunately the paranoia has faded and I’ve reintegrated with the real world somewhat, but I will not let my guard down again versus certain things.

There will be no next time.

Peace D

Bullet Bipolar Tales

I’m the shell shocked lover with a bullet ridden mind,

A labyrinthine tale of woe and highs you’ll ever find.

Don’t hold me tight in the night I may just explode,

Or fall to pieces slowly over the years I reaped then sowed.

So I don’t know if you can hear over this plane crash,

Maybe you shouldn’t hang around while I burn and flash.

I could say I love you but I’m not sure which voice said it,

I feel it coming again but you and me baby are a tight fit, will we split… Or fight these mindless demons and stick!

D August 2018

The day I found out that the MIBs weren’t real.

In fact it was an inside job, the agent of darkness nothing but a pysop conspiracy theory. And now I know I have to fight this demon within with bare words merely.

A loud voice, a quiet whisper to destabilise my train of thought, try to redirect who and what I fought.

But I know you now, I know your Hows, and I will never forget you and how you tried to force me to bow.

You hold a broken chalice and stand naked in your sin, you didn’t know this is a trail I’ve already been.

So my madness ends and yours just begins, see you soon on the flip side where no doubt your still be trying to win, a game that was never played….

D August 2018