My new CPN came to visit me today and after a half hour chat I’m feeling a lot more positive. I’ve been given that rare opportunity to see a real live Psychiatrist for a medications review that’s like three years overdue. Also I’m allowed to gobble the Tammy’s for a few nights to knock me out and hopefully get some decent sleep and lord I need it. I keep having cat naps during the day to get by which is kinda is difficult when you’re responsible for a 3 year old (Thankfully the overworked wife steps in at these moments).
Still it was surreal sitting at the kitchen table with a stranger discussing the various ways I had thought of removing myself from the planet like I was discussing different flavors of crisps. This is where my four years working in a hospital mix dangerously with this downward thinking. I know the best ways, if you catch my drift.
It did help me take stock that these are just thoughts and there is big leap between thought and action … still my wife has the car keys, just in case.
The UK NHS psychiatric system is overworked and at breaking point but I’m so glad that they are there. Seriously I don’t know what would have happened Monday if it wasn’t for them.
So yes it went well, it’s still moody and dark in my head but there are people around me helping me through it and I’m lucky for that. There are a lot who have not been so lucky, I know this as that is the work load I used to have to deal with when I worked at the NHS hospital.