I am Fallen

Why strive so hard to make light win, do you think your love of good would lessen your sins.

If the sun shone all night how would you know day, and every comment you tell undermines your say.

I do not wallow in the dark and suffering of others, but I appreciate that with light you have dark, like sisters have brothers.

It’s a game of life you fool yourself with, that if white wins there are no losers, but when you blind me with your martyrdom it’s me on my knees, with bruises.

I am dark and I shine like a negative sun casting white shadows, for how can you have, when cannot accept what you cannot have.

Love me for what I am, instead you try to fashion me an angel … Though I am fallen.

D May 2017

Canyon

These canyon walls bare silence to my anger, my rushing mind hushed to stillness.

Nature does not care for anguish, it tries it’s best to bring in life’s fullfilness.

But I stand like a broken pendulum, with no time left to count.

Me, this wall of stone, I begin to mount.

Maybe at the summit I’ll find my sanity kept safe, in nature’s lock.

D May 2017

Chant

I sit, I listen to the chant but I don’t join in. My dragon holds me back from uttering words that may enlighten.

I like my dark corners, my nooks to hide in, it gives me peace, an invisible cloak from the frightening.

Some day the light will come for me and tear me from this body. I won’t go down lightly, not now, not since I saw myself.

Sitting, legs crossed, peaceful in the chant but apart. My love, my hate, my all and my health.

Eyes open, incense tickling my nose, rising like a submarine from the deep … reality.

D April 2017

Meek

I walked around your garden at the back of your house, seeing all the pretty things you had discarded on the path.

I see you gently swinging on the faux stone bench, your parents of strange oath.

Your hair flutters in the wind and your face cracks as a tear rolls down your cheek.

I’m just a ghost in your past, drowning in all the things I should have said. Man the meek.

D April 2017

Tree Sitting

When I was just a teen the demons tore at my head, face, eyes, soul. Total destruction was there goal.

Now the years have past they encircle me, afraid to touch, I have concubines of my own who would put them to the torch.

I tamed the dragons, made pets of there threats. I’m surrounded by white light and there’s no higher I could get.

No longer the meek and the strength of my youth they stole now returns. I sit in this tree and send the demons love, nothing left that deserves my burns.

D April 2017

Eyes

Just a whisp of life you spent in, where did you go once I lost my sanity, suddenly the colour from the girl with rainbow hair drains.

Desperate rescue missions, reading rune riddles in nightclubs, always belonging to someone else, eyes, stabbing me in the brains.

Helicopters in the night remind me of you, crazy the beauty in the deafening chaos, fixing your beat up car, before your brakes fail and kill you.

But alas I should of worried more for myself, now your just someone I used to know, I stare at clear blue sky…

…and broken pieces of you still bleed in my heart.

D April 2017

Just Living

july2011 190I’ve kinda lost my flow with the blog for a bit but I have reasons. A recent change in medication has found a new resource of energy that has meant I’ve managed to do all those tasks that I was putting off done, like mowing lawns, washing cars and keeping my 3 year totally entertained. I feel the cloud of depression receding and I’m even making it to the gym twice a week.

So yes busy but at the same time I miss my musings here. I’ll guess it will come back at some point. It’s weird though, I’ve been quite prolific over March and sometimes I read the old the posts and wonder what the hell I was thinking. But there you go.

So hope all you out there are doing ok,

Peace Be Upon You

D

Rays

Suddenly there was a ray of hope welling in my spine, it happened overnight, no chaos, no almighty fight.

I just had to say no … Then let you go.

And as for once I shined love on myself, instead of you, my power returns and I’ve found my flow.

D April 2017