Serenity

Serenity in the eyes of a blue angel,

so long we have been singing this ancient fable.

Quick now feel my heart beat for you, in sync, don’t sink…

born to hold you…/upright and launch us to the sky,

high fly, we’ll never die, bullet proof aura of pink.

Green thunder rolls off over blue grass and violet roots,

we’ve turned this world upside down, stand at mountain foots,

leap up the crags to prove I’m here for you,

just exist is all I ask you do.

Look at me again with blue serenity,

love me for all eternity. My dear serenity.

D August 2018

Focus

So it seems I have had several opportunities come up for me recently after a very harsh winter where I felt I had lost everything and the only viable option seemed to be to ride off into the sun set and not return.

Now as my Psyche drugs get balanced right and I look hard into my life I realise I don’t need a councillor, or a saviour, I just need to focus.

Talking with my other half I have discovered I need to trim down my interests and pay attention to what I’m good at. This means writing instead of music and art and Retail instead of Conservation work (which is a flooded job market round my area). I have multiple opportunities to volunteer in retail locally and I’ll be calling the charity Scope back in September when my little one goes back to school.

As for writing I have around 400 poems now, one of which won a prize a few years ago and I just need to collate and find a publisher. I also have 4 novels on the go which need finishing. I just need to apply effort and direction, something I’m very bad at.

Well here’s to a new start and getting on with it … fortunately the paranoia has faded and I’ve reintegrated with the real world somewhat, but I will not let my guard down again versus certain things.

There will be no next time.

Peace D

Bullet Bipolar Tales

I’m the shell shocked lover with a bullet ridden mind,

A labyrinthine tale of woe and highs you’ll ever find.

Don’t hold me tight in the night I may just explode,

Or fall to pieces slowly over the years I reaped then sowed.

So I don’t know if you can hear over this plane crash,

Maybe you shouldn’t hang around while I burn and flash.

I could say I love you but I’m not sure which voice said it,

I feel it coming again but you and me baby are a tight fit, will we split… Or fight these mindless demons and stick!

D August 2018

The day I found out that the MIBs weren’t real.

In fact it was an inside job, the agent of darkness nothing but a pysop conspiracy theory. And now I know I have to fight this demon within with bare words merely.

A loud voice, a quiet whisper to destabilise my train of thought, try to redirect who and what I fought.

But I know you now, I know your Hows, and I will never forget you and how you tried to force me to bow.

You hold a broken chalice and stand naked in your sin, you didn’t know this is a trail I’ve already been.

So my madness ends and yours just begins, see you soon on the flip side where no doubt your still be trying to win, a game that was never played….

D August 2018

How can?

How can I tell you that there is no further you can break my heart, all the quips, cold shoulder statements, dismissals all added to tear my insides apart.

How can I tell you that this empty shell no longer cares, of the wounds you threaten to inflict or the scars you wish to bare.

How can I tell you now I’m stronger than ever, as a broken heart doesn’t last forever…

… You see during your fire storm forgot to take stock and see, and I know now all I need to survive; is me.

D July 2018

Hear no, See no, Speak no.

The 3 things that have helped most attain peaceful times in my bipolar world, discreet ear defenders (hear no evil), taking my glasses off and embrace the fuzziness (see no evil), not passing judgment so quickly (speak no evil)… Obviously the first two don’t apply while driving.

Peace D

Dry

It’s been over 30 for weeks now here hence the lack of interest in my blog. You really don’t want to hear about my sweaty nights and bad moods. New psyche is awesome though and maybe this time we’re get the combination right. Also I find gel ice packs help with not only the heat but the pain from my Anyklosing Spondylitis, so much so I’m down 1/3 of the codeine I was on.

Mainly positive life stuff but dam its hot and yes I still have the committee in my head (voices) but their playing fair for now. I just have except its part of me.

Peace D